Edenian Wedding
by RenegadeZabuzaMomochi
Summary: Sub Zero and Kitana decided to finally close the gap. What they're in for is more than your average American wedding... it's an Edenian Wedding. Humorous sequel to Melting the Ice.


**Disclaimer: **NO, I DON'T OWN COPYRIGHTS TO MORTAL KOMBAT.

It's been one year since everyone succeeded in getting Sub Zero and Kitana together. It would have been obvious those two would later conclude their relationship and finally tie the knot. Everyone besides Shao Kahn, Quan Chi and Shinnok knew of the ordeal. They held the ceremony in the Edenian palace, and out of courtesy and punishment for her past deeds, Frost decorated the interior with ice sculptures. Scorpion and Smoke had prepared a banquet and strangely, Liu Kang was left with fixing the wedding cake. People started questioning how he managed to make it so perfect, especially Sonya. Kung Lao explained that he went through a phase after watching Oprah and came to a realization that he is more than a Shaolin Monk and should become a spokesperson for animal rights.

During their bachelor and bachelorette parties, Sub Zero and Kitana were forced to go to places they refused to go to. Specifically the Roxbury for Sub Zero and G-Spot for Kitana. They were uncomfortable, to say the least. Jax and Johnny cage started a brawl against a couple of strangers, Cyrax and Noob Saibot were in the middle of the dancing floor competing against one another, Sektor, the disc jockey kept shouting that it was Sub Zero's last night as a free man, turning the attention of women at him, Kung Lao, Fujin and Kenshi were all drunk and participated in an arm wrestling tournament with randomers Mortal Kombat style, Ermac was philandering with women he finds attractive and lifts their skirts up telekinetically, Rain was in charge of the wet t-shirt contest and Scorpion was joined by Raiden, accompanying the lonely Sub Zero, who was clutching on a picture of Kitana.

"Give it a rest, little boy blue. You'll see her tomorrow," Scorpion said. He had a mug of beer in his hand.

"You don't understand. If I keep my eyes off of her, I might lose my faithfulness."

"You actually believe you'd betray Kitana's trust? Weren't you brought up better than that, Ice Man?" Raiden asked.

"Look around, Sparky. Look at the clothes these women wear! Do they not have some dignity?"

"And you think Kitana's revealing jumpsuit is different compared to these skimpy skirts?" Scorpion inquired.

"I mustn't stare at them! It is unjust!" Sub Zero slammed the table, causing Raiden and Scorpion to bounce up from his incredible strength.

"I like a strong man!" shouted some woman.

"Bite me, you ho'." Sub Zero flicked the woman off.

"That's not the proper way to treat women, Subbie," said Raiden. He took a sip of his beer.

"Yeah, Subbie. This is your last night as a free man, remember. You can do whatever you want."

"What's with the Subbie?"

"Oh, we know what Kitana calls you... Subbie." Scorpion laughed.

"Yeah, after you know what." Raiden wiggles his eyebrows.

"At least I have somebody. What about you, Thunder God? Ever dated a woman without shocking her to death? And you! You hadn't had a date since... since you've been killed!"

"My bad, Scorpion!" Noob Saibot shouted from the other end.

"They say that I bring the sparks in bed, not freeze their love tunnels," Raiden defended.

"And as for me, I'm loyal to my dead wife. She still has a bangin' body, though her skin is molting."

"You guys suck."

All of a sudden, a song from No Mercy began playing. It was "Where do you go?" and right there, Sub Zero returned back to staring at the picture of Kitana. Raiden and Scorpion stared in disbelief at the Grandmaster and his sudden weakness. Then Raiden and Scorpion had an idea; Scorpion shot his kunai over to every Kombatant who's a part of the wedding to him and they formed a group whisper, unknown to Sub Zero. After a few minutes, they grabbed Sub Zero, and even though he tried kicking and screaming his way out, he was dragged to the dance floor. All of a sudden, Sektor changes the song and the group proceeds to execute the Spirit Fingers.

"What is love!?" Jax started.

"Baby, don't hurt me!" sang Rain and Ermac.

"Don't hurt me!" continued Smoke and Noob Saibot.

"NO MORE!" finished the group, including Sub Zero.

The men started bobbing their heads retardedly to the beat and their shoulders followed that movement. Then they each grabbed one another's buttocks; as they walked down the dance floor, they kept shifting their heads left to right to Haddaway. Coming to a complete halt, they slap one another's asses before doing inane dancing maneuvers that no one's ever heard of. Sub Zero went as far as creating an ice clone in the shape of Kitana.

"That's some good ass grabbing going on," said Mr. Zadir.

Back at G-Spot where Kitana is joined by her mother Sindel, Jade, Sonya, Li Mei, Nitara, Ashrah, Liu Kang and even Mileena, they were watching and squealing to the dancer in front of them. Liu Kang bit his lip and placed a handful of money into the stripper's thong. The stripper turned around and winked at him, and lo' and behold, it turns out to be Shao Kahn. Sindel's mouth dropped and Kitana slapped her forehead. Nitara, on the otherhand, joined Shao Khan on the runway.

"Hey, handsome. How does your blood taste?" Nitara asked inquiringly, licking her fangs.

"W-what?" Shao Kahn stuttered.

Li Mei was bending forwards and placed a fifty in between his buttcheeks. This caused Shao Kahn to thrust his pelvis forward, accidentally knocking down Nitara. Mileena and Kitana stared at each other, realizing what a dope their stepfather was. Sindel, however, kept waving a bunch of hundred dollar bills for Shao Kahn. Ashrah was competing in a drinking contest against Sonya and Jade had to hold Liu Kang down for harassing the upcoming dancers, who happen to be Quan Chi and Shang Tsung. Shinnok seemed to own the club.

All of a sudden, Kitana spotted Baraka entering the club. He was looking around cautiously in case somebody he knew was around. But the poor Tarkatan had a terrible eye sight and he walked in as if he was a regular. He unwittingly sat down next to Kitana and Mileena with some beer, shouting to Shao Kahn to shake it. Mileena tapped his shoulder, making Baraka turn around and spit his beer.

"I didn't know you had an affinity for men."

"What? This is a women's club?"

"What else? It's Kitana's last night as a free woman."

"You look like a regular here, Baraka," Kitana interjected.

"Damn, I've been going here for months. I didn't know this was male-strippers only!"

"But you shouted to Shao Kahn," suggested Mileena.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Baraka! You finally showed up!" shouted Liu Kang.

"You! I don't know you!" Baraka exclaimed, trying to appear as if he didn't recognize the man.

Mileena and Kitana both looked at each other before returning to their seats. Baraka kept slapping Liu Kang and they engaged in Mortal Kombat. Shinnok had enough of the two and summoned a hand to keep them still. If it weren't for Kitana's special occasion, he would have ripped them apart. That, and the author stared at Shinnok with a terrifying death glare. On the stage, Nitara swung her bra in the air. Li Mei was grinding with Sindel and Ashrah and Sonya Blade were suddenly in the darkest corner, all up against each other. Jade seemed to be enjoying herself. She was behind the bar with the bartender. All of a sudden, Shao Kahn was joined by Quan Chi, Shinnok and Onaga.

"It's fun to stay at the... Y.M.C.A.!" they sang.

"Oh God..." Kitana groaned.

"Yeah, baby! Yeah!" Mileena shouted.

The girls dragged the sisters up on the stage and they were forced to follow the dance sequence. As the hours went by, Kitana was wearing a construction helmet with beer cans on each side. She had a straw that connected the cans to her mouth and she kept hollering everytime Shao Khan was forced to go back on stage. Sindel kept rubbing Shao Kahn's ridiculously massive legs while Li Mei and Nitara were just simply rubbing up on each other. Nobody knew what happened to Sonya and Ashrah, or Liu Kang and Baraka. Mileena, who had her veil removed, was gaining attention from Earthrealm men. Yes, she was considered sexy enough to make the gay men go straight.

"Oh, it's so hot in here! Somebody pass me a beer." Kitana took out her steel fans which slipped and sliced off Kano's head as he entered.

"Oops." Kitana giggled. Frost, who was accompanying Kano was horrified, not because he died, but because he was supposed to pay for her drinks.

Kitana placed the straws in her mouth, already too drunk to make any coherent statements. She also didn't realize she had beer cans on her head and they were suddenly replaced by new cans, courtesy to Jade and the bartender. She kept drinking until she finally lost balance in her seat, falling on the ground. She laughed because of her inebriation. When she got up, she joined her mother on the dance stage, pushing off the strippers. They began dancing incredulously to Nelly's "Hot in here" song and was about to remove her top when the girls jumped on her.

"NO!" Li Mei, Nitara, Mileena and Sindel slammed Kitana to the ground.

"This may be your last night out, but don't attract women!" Liu Kang suddenly appeared and said.

"Yeah! Attract men! Wait, what am I saying?" Mileena started scratching her head.

"Is she all right?" Li Mei pointed at the laughing Princess Kitana.

"I LOVE YOU GUYS!"

Meanwhile, back at the Roxbury, Sub Zero was consuming an extraordinary amount of alcohol. His mask was tipped down slightly so he could drink from the hose. There was a large gallon of mixed drinks being poured and he drank as if it was his last drink. The boys gathered in a circle as his throat kept bobbing up and down, intaking all he can.

"Chug, chug, chug, chug!" Scorpion, Rain, Ermac and Noob Saibot chanted.

Sub Zero released the hose and to everyone's surprise, he downed every last drop. Sub Zero's face was shaded with some bright red and he raised his arms in victory. Everyone cheered as they approached the man, patting the Grandmaster on the back. Suddenly, snow flakes started falling down on the floor. Rain opened his mouth and a droplet fell on his tongue. Sub Zero looked up, to see that he was freezing the ceiling.

"Oops."

"Dude, that's awesome. Make a blizzard!" Fujin smiled.

"That chick over there's pretty hot. Wait. That's my wife! And she doesn't look too happy. GET OVER HERE!" Scorpion speared the man trying to harass his wife to his chest.

"Hrm. The women haven't left the club," said Raiden. He teleported over to two women he spotted. "Hello, ladies."

"Hey, Kenshi. I have an idea." Ermac nodded some women dressed up scandalously.

"You're on." Kenshi began removing their clothing one by one.

"Where's Sub Zero?" asked Smoke. Cyrax began scanning the perimeter.

"No heat signatures."

"There he is." Noob Saibot pointed over to Sub Zero in the middle of the dance floor.

Sub Zero was topless and his mask wasn't on. He had a whistle on his mouth and he tried doing the robot, blowing the whistle everytime he moves. His body was covered in neon and began breakdancing on the floor. Afterwards, Sub Zero got up and started raving with the two lights he had in each hand.

By the time it was four in the morning, they had returned the two love birds back to the palace. Sub Zero was blanked out and Kitana's head was placed on his chest. Both had "Loser" on their foreheads, thanks to Sindel and Scorpion. Everyone pretty much had a hangover, with the exceptions of Liu Kang and Baraka. They were dancing to a slow song when Shinnok told them the club's closing.

"Shhh. One more song," whispered Liu Kang. Baraka started singing along.

"It's amazing what you can find in my heart. Without saying a word, you light up the daaark."

"Oh, Baraka Barbasso Butabi the Third!"

"Hush, my Liu Kang..."

Next time: When everyone recovers from their hangover, they have a wedding to prepare. How will Kitana and Sub Zero survive the madness coming to them?


End file.
